How many times have you looked at your “woulda, shoulda ,coulda” list and wondered how you can possibly get everything done? Have you ever just plain given up and started your list over again only to be overwhelmed by guilt at not keeping every single agreement you have ever made? I have an amazing ability to wake up and obsess about something I agreed to do 3 years ago, usually at 3 am. The truth is we all have these issues and use them as evidence when we judge ourselves as to whether we are a “good “person.
The real question here is how do we get there? Speaking only for myself I will say that I have made agreements that I did not want to make in the first place. The reason I made them was so people would not be disappointed, let down or mad at me for not helping them. I somehow decided at an early age that being kind or selfless meant doing things you don’t want to do. The problem with this kind of thinking is self evident for me. I wind up with too many commitments that I don’t love to keep so I can either keep them and not like it or not keep them and not like myself. Either way I loose.
And then one day my coach Megan asked me “is it a hell yes?” in relation to an agreement I was about to make. And as easily as thinking about my life in those terms I have been transformed. Now, I get to stop and think carefully before making a commitment if it feels like a “ hell yes!”. That is terribly important because those are the things I feel genuinely excited about being involved in and will not struggle to get done because it is fun. It may also be something that I feel passionate about doing because of my mission to serve others in discovering and creating a beautiful life.
Do I still slipup and commit to things I shouldn’t? Of course! But I can honestly say that I have gotten better at recognizing what is really important to me and that has really helped me to realize that saying no to someone is not personal. It simply means that I can recognize there is someone else out there better suited for the job than me. I would like to invite you to check in with yourself today and find the things on your list that are not a “ hell yes”. I suggest you renegotiate those and then consider carefully if anything coming up in the future is part of your passion and priorities. I promise you will have some great “a-ha” moments. Please let me know how this works for you.